I Write. You Read.

Over Memorial Day weekend, I was holed up with my wife’s family in Arkansas for our niece’s first birthday party. It was fun, I ate some meatloaf, and my son didn’t fall down some steps and crack his skull. On Saturday, I was reluctantly subjected to the horrible kids’ movie Holes. Well, I thought it was going to be horrible.

I remember seeing the promos for this one back in the day (it was released in 2003), and thinking it looked mildly interesting just because of the big name actors that were playing a part, such as Sigourney Weaver and John Voight. But I didn’t dwell on it nor seek out a viewing because it was clearly a “kids’ movie” and not really on my radar. Besides, I’ve seen many otherwise decent actors embarrass themselves for the sake of entertaining children.

To say I was pleasantly surprised is an understatement. Holes was one of the best movies I’ve watched in a long time. It is purely entertaining, from beginning to end. Everything is played straight, without any tongue-in-cheek winks to the camera or obvious references to current events or pop culture. Although there are the usual stinky-armpit jokes and over-the-top bad guys that get their come-uppance at the hands of children, it never rises above my cheesiness threshold.

The main story follows Stanley Yelnats IV, played by Shia LeBeouf, who is mistaken for a thief who had ripped off a famous pair of baseball shoes that had been donated to a homeless shelter. His family is cursed, you see, because of something one of his ancestors did in the Old Country back in Europe. Due to this case of mistaken identity, poor stanley is given a choice by the overbearing Texas judge: jail or Camp Green Lake, which will build his delinquent character. Of course, he opts for the camp.

Once upon a time there was a magical place where it never rained, the end.

— Mr. Sir

Camp Green Lake turns out to be a desert work camp that’s run by work boss John Voight, under the authority of the warden played by Sigourney Weaver. Voight plays it well over the top, but does it straight-faced without hamming it up too much. No doubt due to his creatively-groomed sideburns, his character Mr. Sir reminds me of Tommy Lee Jones as Warden Dwight McClusky from the decidedly non-kids-oriented Natural Born Killers.

The plot involves having the kids in the “camp” dig holes all day, every day, one hole each, 5 feet deep and 5 feet across. Presumably it’s to build character, but we get the idea early on that they’re looking for something. That something is apparently important to the warden, who is also the owner of the dried up lake.

As the warden, Weaver turns in an admirable performance with just enough despicableness to counteract her natural charm. Of course, it’s hard not to seem menacing when you’re sporting fingernail polish laced with rattlesnake venom, which is “perfectly safe when dry.” Her history ties into the backstory in a way that mirrors and supports the Yelnats curse.

The plot is as straightforward as it sounds: kids dig holes, kids find something in a hole, kids dig more and bigger holes looking for something else. There’s a “B” plot that intercuts with the main story and outlines the history of Green Lake, and dovetails nicely into the movie’s ending. Yes, it’s a nice, neat bow, but the fun in this case isn’t the story itself, but the way it’s presented.

You see, it’s a “kids in prison” movie that isn’t at all like a “women in prison” movie. From the beginning when Stanley is railroaded by “the system” into doing time for a crime he didn’t commit to the overbearing, inhuman prison authorities to the “old timers” that have been “in the joint” and sport creative nicknames like Armpit and Barf Bag, Holes has all the trappings of a good prison flick. The new guy gets beat down by everyone but the quiet dude that everyone thinks is stupid, until he unwittingly goes up against someone stronger and earns respect and a nickname of his own. In the end, the delinquents are shown to be good people and undeserving of the harsh treatment they’ve been shown by the Establishment.

Among the highlights of this movie, look for Tim Blake Nelson as Dr. Pendansky, Camp Green Lake’s “counselor,” and Eartha Kitt as Madam Zeroni. Henry Winkler plays Stanley’s father, who is a failed inventor searching for the secret formula to negate sneaker stink.

If you get a chance, I’d recommend you check this one out. Even if the plot is kind of thin and it’s obviously aimed toward children, there is enough to make any fan of good stories and fun movies smile with satisfaction.